Consistent Spontaneity

I think I've consciously been avoiding this.

For the past two weeks, I’ve sat at my computer and said, “Gosh, I should blog about this or that.” Mostly about graduation stuff, finishing my thesis, getting ready for summer, and planning my move. That’s what’s been on my mind. Dealing with the little things and taking a closer look at relationships between people. I am definitely ready to leave New York. There were only a few moments last week that I was still truly in love with it— walking around the Morgan Library, getting caught in the rain in Park Slope, waking up in my apartment when the sun shines through my curtains making the light in the room blood red. I am definitely done with the going out scene here in New York. I must preface this with that fact that I don’t GO out like crazy but I am just sick of all these bars that play bad music. Give me a Baltika and a bench on the Volga River any day…. We had a final get together at my Russian professor’s place the other night. After I left, I realized how nonchalantly I said goodbye to everyone. In my typical Ksenia fashion screaming, ” HEY ___! I”M LEAVING. LET’S GO. (mwah) POKA POKA!” Now that’s fine but… was it the last time we’ll all be together? Shouldn’t I have made some grand gesture or something to commemorate the occassion? Should I have savored it for a second longer? Maybe this—graduating, moving, etc.—will teach me that grand gestures are overrated.